About Cynical

Cynical is a 22-year-old goth living in New York State. No, not the city. They have trees, and grass, and mountains, there.

Cynical has been a practicing bath witch for 3 years now. A bath witch is exactly what it implies…a witch that uses bath products for magick. So while you’re all taking ordinary baths, Cynical makes products for extraordinary baths. Deal with it. 😉

Cynical writes a lot. Yes, but, it’s always things she never finishes. You see, Cynical has commitment issues and that’s prominent in her 30 stories she’s started and never fucking finished. See something she’s writing that you like? Better not get your hopes up; she’ll never fucking finish it. She’s occasionally a poet, but only when she’s consumed a good amount of wine and starts listening to London After Midnight.

Cynical is currently holds a $10,000 worth of student loan debt and an AS degree in Fine Arts. (Which is essentially a piece of fucking paper saying she knows how to shade properly.) She plans on continuing her education in a few months to begin her long path towards getting a PhD as a Parapsychologist…which is a degree pretty much no one has ever heard of.

Cynical is the mother of a small herd of cats and a Staffordshire bull terrier named Gnome Lugosi who is a good force of positive energy in her life and also a fucking wrecking ball. Seriously, that song “Wrecking Ball” by Miley Cyrus is probably about this fucking dog. He ate through a couch–a fucking couch-and last night they caught him eating a pair of scissors in an attempt to live dangerously. Goats ain’t got nothing on Mr. Gnome Lugosi.

Cynical also curses like a fucking sailor. Fuck, man, does she curse a lot, fuck. Her current favorite curse word insult combo is: “Cunt Goblin”.

The vampire Lestat and David Bowie are spirit animals. Sassy. Flamboyant. Men. #YAHHSBABY