2016: Go Smudge Yourself.

That feeling of white sage incense hitting your nose after a stressful week is such a feeling of pure, spiritual, bliss it’s hard to explain unless you’ve felt it yourself. It’s like your entire being is suddenly being lifted upwards towards the sky. You’re connecting to your higher self on such a deep level and it’s saying; “Hey, everything is going to be fine. Remember to breathe. We got this.”

To be honest, I’ve forgotten to breathe most of this week. It’s been so stressful. Between the holidays and relatives visiting; I haven’t gotten much time to myself at all. Mercury being in retrograde certainly isn’t helping, either.  I seemingly keep forgetting to take care of myself and my basic needs because I just don’t really have a head on my shoulders right now. Not to mention I’m avoiding my wisdom teeth removal because non-emergecy surgeries during Mercury Retrograde are a no-no…so my face feels like well…this:

hataraku-5-31-lucifer-orba-beaten

*Shakes fist angrily at Mercury*

Now seems like as good of a time as any to talk about some cliché New Year’s resolutions. Thank GODS 2016 is OVER. Bowie just set the tone of the ENTIRE year and I am ready for some change…….so here’s what I am hoping to do in the new year.

My (hopefully not impossible) New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. I want to start getting back into my spiritualism. I do this all for a living….but I don’t have a really strong spiritual connection as of right now. I think it all bubbles back down to being way too stressed and overworked.
  2. I want to improve my business. Become more organized–and actually get someone else to start working for me.
  3. I want to improve my relationship. It seems like we never have time for each other…even though we are always around each other. We have to start actually doing things TOGETHER.
  4. Organization. My whole life need organization.
  5. Health. I need to actually START caring about myself. I am worth it…regardless of what that little voice inside my head keeps telling me. This means hardcore veganism. This means 64 ounces of water a day. This means AT LEAST 3 showers a week. This means exercising my BODY, MIND, AND SOUL.
  6. Stay creative. Art, Music, Writing….buy some Blue Calcite AND JUST DO IT.

My Notable 2016 Accomplishments

  1. Got my Driver’s license.
  2. Graduated College *Holla*.
  3. Got my FIRST car!
  4. Hit the FIVE FUCKING FIGURE mark with my business.
  5. My Shop was featured in its first ever publication. (Dirge Magazine)
  6. My Shop was also featured in the Dirge Magazine Style Guide. 
  7. Collabed with other artists to make some stellar art!
  8. Launched my own website!
  9. Sold my first wholesale order…and am STILL working with the amazing shop!
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Don’t fuck over the witch.

 

Whatever energy you send my way, I couldn’t ever keep it to stay! Send it back times three for me and it’s true source we’re sure to see. These next few words harm not me, but who’s energy ails the free. A phrase so harsh, yet full of grace–the rule of three so mote it be; Don’t fuck with me, Don’t fuck with me, Don’t motherfucking fuck with me!!!

grr.

Peace & Prosperity Gingerbread Cookies: Yule Kitchen Magick

Kitchen witchery is a hobby of mine, as you all know I’m more of a bath & candle witch. This probably has to do with the fact I currently only have a small convection oven to bake in–and that’s not easy. However, here is a recipe that is sure to bring you some joy this Yule.

Peace & Prosperity Bringing Gingerbread Cookies:

  • 3 cups flour
  • a pinch of Himalayan salt.
  • 2tsp baking powder
  • 1tsp baking soda
  • 1Tb Ground Ginger
  • 1tsp Clove
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • 2TB cinnamon
  • 1 cup of vegan butter (room temp)
  • 1 cup of brown sugar
  • 3/4 cup applesauce
  • 2TB Orange Extract
  • 1TB Vanilla Extract
  • 1/2 cup Maple Syrup
  1. Mix all the dry ingredients together in a small bowl.
  2. In a different slightly larger bowl mix your applesauce, brown sugar, and butter together until it forms a smooth thick paste. Once it reaches this consistency slowly add in your Maple syrup and extracts.
  3. Gradually begin to add your dry ingredients into the batch stirring and kneading the dough clockwise to create the magick. Focus on adding into the dough white light that will bring you a bountiful season filled with the peace and prosperity of the herbs & extracts added to this batch of cookies.
  4. Once smooth, Wrap the dough’s bowl with plastic wrap and allow it to stand for about 2 hours at room temperature. Placing the bowl on your Yule altar during this wait period would be a great place to stash it. You could even perform a small ritual asking the God & Goddess to bless the cookies around the bowl.
  5. When ready to use, preheat your oven to 350°F and begin to roll the dough out with a floured rolling pin onto a floured cutting board or counter top.
  6. Use your cookie cutter(s) to create the cookies and place them onto an ungreased baking sheet (you can line it with parchment paper if you feel so inclined). Space about 2 inches apart.
  7. Bake for 8-10 minutes! They’re finished when they begin to brown around the edges.
  8. Allow to cool and decorate them for the season! Don’t forget to leave some as an offering on your Yule altar!

This recipe is ©Magick & Macabre Co & ©Cynical Old Bat

Epsom Salt Bath Spells

 

As a bath witch you would not believe the power a salt bath can have on your body–no, I don’t mean that expensive dead sea salt (although that’s FANTASTIC for your skin), I’m talking about regular Epsom salts that you can find in little packages at the dollar store. 😉

Here are some of my favorite magickal Epsom11174927_1572329143019647_5527486638537855699_n salt bath combos…

Healing Bath:

  • 3 parts Epsom Salts
  • 2TB Peppermint Oil
  • 2TB Eucalyptus Oil
  • 1 part Peppermint Leaf
  • 1/2 part Echinacea (this is my favorite healing herb)
  • 1/2 part Culinary Sage
    • ~Burn a white candle~

Creativity Bath:

  • 3 parts Epsom Salts
  • 1 Part Baby or Coconut oil
  • 1 part Life Everlasting
  • 1 part Horehound.
    • ~Burn a yellow candle~

Protection Bath: (Salt baths have been used by witches for centuries to clear negative energy from a person and purify the bather)

  • 3 parts Epsom salts
  • 1/2 part Culinary Sage
  • 1/2 part Basil
  • a few sprigs of White sage
  • 1/2 part Rosemary
  • 1 part Lavender
  • (opt. 1 Himalayan Rock Salt crystal as this will disintegrate in the water)
  •  ~Burn a white candle~

Love Bath:

  • 3 parts Epsom salts
  • 1tb part Lavender essential oil
  • 1 part Rose petals
  • 1 part Damiana
  • 1 large Rose Quartz stone (or a few smaller ones).
  • ~Burn a red candle~

Yule Bath:

  • 3 Parts Epsom salts
  • 1/2 part Pine needles or a few sprigs from a tree,
  • 1 part Coconut or Baby oil (to soothe dry winter skin),
  • 1 part Mistletoe leaf,
  • 2 Cinnamon Sticks.
  •  (Opt. 1tb each of Frankincense & Myrrh essential oils)

Samhain Bath:

  • 3 Parts Epsom Salts,
  • 2 part Bay leaf,
  • 1 part Rosemary,
  • 1 part Apple scented bubble bath (I LOVE Bath and Body work’s stuff this time of year),
  • 1 Black crystal (obsidian, tourmaline, etc).
  • ~Burn a black candle~

Litha Bath:

  • 3 Parts Epsom Salts,
  • 2 part Dried Lavender,
  • 1-2tb Lemongrass essential oil,
  • 1tb Biodegradable Glitter (to attract the fae).

Ostara Bath:

  • 3 Parts Epsom Salts,
  • 1 part Rosehips,
  • 1 part Thyme,
  • 1 part Daffodil (whole flowers freshly picked from outside or dried daffodil leaf),
  • any type of floral bubble bath.

Protip: Don’t like bathing with herbs, but still want a magickal bath? Pour the Epsom salts and crystals right into the bath water, but put your herbs into one of these babies. Once you’re done with your bath; empty out the bag, wash it, and reuse it in your next bath!

–Please do not use recipes for commercial use, thanks babes! ©Cynical Old Bat, 2016–

 

 

 

Oh, Woe is me.

I’m to that awkward point in my life where I can’t decide if I’m having an anxiety attack or if I’m just cold with a mild asthma attack. Ahhhh, New York in the winter.

Noses are like face genitalia.

Ever look at a nose and go “Damn, that looks like a face penis?” Well, that’s exactly what I did today while doing my homework for my Life Drawing & Anatomy 1 Class. And it’s astonishing the accuracy of that statement is.  I think it’s every artist’s struggle to conceal the provocative nature of the human nose with proper shading. One wrong line, one wrong shade and BOOM Face genitalia.

Famous Last Words…

Remember how I said I was planning on updating this every day? Well, it was good in theory. Here’s the issue…. I have about 4 half written snarky blogs for you all…yet to be published. So, that’s a thing.