My Spirit Animal is a Nope Rope.

Call to your spirit guides, they said. It will be fun, they said.

Well, what they didn’t say was WHAT your spirit guides could be. Sure, I was warned that your spirit guides can sometimes be well….snarky. I was also told that they can sometimes be too blunt. So of course, when I asked for them to show themselves to me three times I asked that they do so gently as I was not sure if I would be able to handle such a blunt reveal. I figured it’ll be my grandmother or a long-lost dead relative. I’ve only ever heard of spirit guides from my friends of being either relatives or humans. The occasional “spirit animal” here and there, but never any definite proof. I only worried about who it could be. I didn’t really worry about what animal it could be…..and I DEFINITELY didn’t worry about what type of phobias I had.

Well, buckle in witches, because when you call to your spirit guides they like to be absolute dingles and show themselves to you in whatever way they feel. Let’s say you’re deathly afraid of snakes and just walking into your kitchen after an emotional night. It’s 5 o’clock in the morning, you haven’t slept in 48 hours, and there….on your kitchen floor is a full-sized adult garter snake. You stumble past it, not noticing it at first. Putting your items away from going to Walmart stashing things into your cabinets. You start to head back and notice a rope on the floor. Suddenly an instinct within you that you didn’t even know existed kicks in and you stop, staring at the “rope”. Your SO is not far from you and you look at them and go;

“Is that a snake?” you ask, feeling silly. The coil on the floor looking more and more like one and less and less like a necklace chain. You watch your SO move over.

“How did that get in?” they ask. Your anxiety kicks in. Suddenly you’re crying and shaking. There’s now a bucket over the snake and you’re grabbing for your keys. You’re out the door in thirty seconds with only one solution. You’re going to live in your car for the rest of your life because there are snakes in your house. Obvious solution.

Okay, maybe that’s not the obvious solution for everyone. So, after several hours and three different people trying to convince my crying blubbering mess to go back into the house, I surrendered and went back. My SO caught it in a bucket and shooed it out. Everything was over. My snake phobia wasn’t even that bad…or at least that’s what I thought. However, I was never thrown into a situation of coming face to face with one. Normally, Gartersnakes are rather…well cute. They’re derpy, legless puppies. Not like a cobra, which have those crazy eyes. Garter snakes are like Gnome, derpy and slow.

My office just started getting renovated. My team & I are in the process of completely restarting and starting things over. The energy is stale and it’s time to start over new. We headed to home depot, picked up some paint and of course, a natural organic snake keep away spray. It’s basically just a mixture of Clove Oil and a bunch of other EOs that are proven to keep snakes away. We sprayed it around the house, and for some reason, I ran a thin line of it over the radiator I was painting.

The office walls are being painted a gorgeous energetic and creative, yet incredibly spiritual orange. It matches the Ganesha tapestry and the green plants. It’s perfect. It’s uplifting. I added some Ganesha oil into the paint so it invites prosperity and opportunities are out. The business really needs that. As I’m painting the wall near the radiator, we get chatting. My sister accidentally lets slip that snake came into the house again while I was asleep earlier. Thankfully, this time I take it more light heartedly. I express that I’m upset about them not telling me, and that I’m annoyed that it keeps coming back.

As if on cue, the little brown danger noodle begins to slither up OUT OF THE RADIATOR I WAS JUST PAINTING. I drop the paintbrush and run over behind my mom. More surprised than anxiety-filled like the previous time.

“WHY DOES THIS THING LIKE MY HOUSE SO MUCH——” I begin, then I pause, “OH SHIT.”

It hit me, I had JUST attended my friend’s spirit guide seminar. I had JUST asked my spirit guides to make themselves known to me….three times. Over the chaos of the last few weeks, they hadn’t had the chance yet. However, the snake had just finished making itself known to me for the second time when it showed up the third.

A snake is my spirit guide. I mean, I guess it makes sense. I’ve been terrified yet fascinated by them ever since I was little. A snake is the symbol of rebirth. It’s a symbol of transformation and life-changing. Healing. I could use some healing. My life and my SO’s has just been chaos over the past few weeks. We’ve experienced so much change. A reminder to be grounded is needed. It’s so needed.

All in all, I’m thankful for being shown my spirit animal. I’m thankful for being told by a fellow witch that it is now my Power Animal. I can call upon the snake to show me how to change for the better by shedding my skin. I just wish this danger noodle was more subtle. Fucking danger noodles, man.

Advertisements

Peace & Prosperity Gingerbread Cookies: Yule Kitchen Magick

Kitchen witchery is a hobby of mine, as you all know I’m more of a bath & candle witch. This probably has to do with the fact I currently only have a small convection oven to bake in–and that’s not easy. However, here is a recipe that is sure to bring you some joy this Yule.

Peace & Prosperity Bringing Gingerbread Cookies:

  • 3 cups flour
  • a pinch of Himalayan salt.
  • 2tsp baking powder
  • 1tsp baking soda
  • 1Tb Ground Ginger
  • 1tsp Clove
  • 1 tsp nutmeg
  • 2TB cinnamon
  • 1 cup of vegan butter (room temp)
  • 1 cup of brown sugar
  • 3/4 cup applesauce
  • 2TB Orange Extract
  • 1TB Vanilla Extract
  • 1/2 cup Maple Syrup
  1. Mix all the dry ingredients together in a small bowl.
  2. In a different slightly larger bowl mix your applesauce, brown sugar, and butter together until it forms a smooth thick paste. Once it reaches this consistency slowly add in your Maple syrup and extracts.
  3. Gradually begin to add your dry ingredients into the batch stirring and kneading the dough clockwise to create the magick. Focus on adding into the dough white light that will bring you a bountiful season filled with the peace and prosperity of the herbs & extracts added to this batch of cookies.
  4. Once smooth, Wrap the dough’s bowl with plastic wrap and allow it to stand for about 2 hours at room temperature. Placing the bowl on your Yule altar during this wait period would be a great place to stash it. You could even perform a small ritual asking the God & Goddess to bless the cookies around the bowl.
  5. When ready to use, preheat your oven to 350°F and begin to roll the dough out with a floured rolling pin onto a floured cutting board or counter top.
  6. Use your cookie cutter(s) to create the cookies and place them onto an ungreased baking sheet (you can line it with parchment paper if you feel so inclined). Space about 2 inches apart.
  7. Bake for 8-10 minutes! They’re finished when they begin to brown around the edges.
  8. Allow to cool and decorate them for the season! Don’t forget to leave some as an offering on your Yule altar!

This recipe is ©Magick & Macabre Co & ©Cynical Old Bat